You’ve made the important decision that your child could benefit from professional counseling. You know this is the right next step, but now you’re facing a new challenge: How do you tell your child they’re going to see a counselor? You don’t want them to feel like something is wrong with them, wondering, “Why do I need to talk to a counselor?” You also want to avoid power struggles or resistance, such as, “I’m not going to talk to a stranger!”
Rely on Your Therapist for Guidance
First, remember that the therapist you’ve chosen is a valuable resource. Don’t hesitate to ask for advice on how to introduce counseling to your child. In fact, many therapists prefer you do, because it helps avoid some common mistakes that can make the process more difficult than it needs to be.
Mistakes to Avoid
Here are some common missteps that I often see:
- Don’t spring it on them by surprise.
Showing up for an appointment without explaining in advance that it’s a counseling session can be jarring for children and erode trust. - Don’t lie about where you’re going.
Some parents tell their child they’re going to a different type of appointment, like a routine check-up. While it may seem easier in the moment, this damages trust in the long run. - Avoid bribing them.
Offering a reward to get them into the session can send the wrong message. It can create the perception that counseling is something to endure only for a reward. There’s a difference between offering support and turning it into a transaction.
While these mistakes can make things more difficult, it’s important to know that most children and teens still come around once they’re in the therapist’s office. I often tell parents, “Your job is to get them through the door. From there, it’s my job to take care of the rest.”
How to know your child needs counseling?
Tips for Talking to Your Child About Counseling
- Approach the conversation with love, concern, and hope.
A simple statement like, “I love you, and I want to see you happy and confident. I’ve found someone who can help us all feel better,” can go a long way. - Make it clear that everyone can benefit from support.
Emphasize that counseling is not just for them, but for the whole family. You could say, “I want to learn how to do better, too,” to show that growth is a shared goal. - Take it one step at a time.
Children, especially younger ones, often think in absolutes. If they resist the idea of counseling, they may be imagining that it will be awkward or uncomfortable every time, forever. Help them focus on taking it one session at a time, and that they may find it comforting and helpful. - Create a special connection around the experience.
Consider turning the trip into a positive experience by planning something enjoyable afterward, like, “After our meeting, we’ll go get milkshakes together.” - Stay calm and be open to their questions.
Your emotions matter in this conversation. Try to stay calm, positive, and open to answering any questions they may have. Choose a time when you won’t be rushed. - Adjust the timing based on their age.
Younger children don’t need much advance notice—a few days or a week is often enough. Teenagers, on the other hand, usually appreciate a bit more time, such as a couple of weeks, to process the idea. - Let them know they’re not alone.
Reassure them that many other children and teens talk to counselors, too. Normalizing the experience can reduce feelings of isolation or stigma.
Counseling as a Gift
While the thought of introducing your child to counseling can feel overwhelming, it can be one of the most loving and impactful steps you can take for their emotional health.
If you’re wondering whether counseling is the right choice for your child, we’re here to help. Contact Adult, Child, Family Counseling of Mason to speak with a licensed counselor and explore your options. Visit our website at counselingacf.com or call us at (513) 229-8386.
Jonathan League LPCC-S, LICDC-S